#1 Fast Food

Wah Fung #1 Fast Food; how could you go wrong with a name like that?

Year after year, my New Year’s Resolution is to think nicer things in my head about people. I say year after year, because I have never kept that resolution. My excuse is that I’m an ISTJ; I can’t help it. That being said, when I heard about this super-cheap and delicious Chinese takeout joint, my extroverted thinking skills kicked in and I refused to go because of the ridiculously stupid and uncreative name. Especially an uncreative name in NY’s China Town, considering every other restaurant on Canal Street has some variation if “#1” in its name. If you can’t take the time to come up with an acceptable name, then I can’t take the time to eat in your seemingly fine dining establishment.

I can’t quite remember where I heard about this place. I want to remember that it was in the book, “NYC Free and Dirt Cheap.” When I was interning at Glamour a few years ago, I was paid in cosmetic production samples and Rich and Skinny jeans rather than rent-paying cash, so that Frommer’s guide was pretty much my Bible.

I’m not crazy about Chinese food but Troy loves it. So on a semi-annual basis, I dutifully oblige and give into his requests for  takeout.  When the recent rounds of begging began, I pulled this gem out of my memory bank and we met there after work tonight.  It was easy to spot because there was a line out the door. It's one of those places in China Town that hangs roasted chickens in the window. Chickens with heads still attached. I think I saw their eyes and I definitely saw their beaks. Good thing I already don't like eating chicken. 

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A few things to expect if you're going to try out Wah Fung's:

• At least a pound of food for $3. Yes, $3. You didn't have to pass your required undergrad finance class to know that’s a positive cost-benefit ratio.
• Amazingly sticky, salty and perfectly roasted pork. On a pork scale of 1-10 -- 1 being cheap deli ham with 20% water solution and 10 being center cut bacon -- this prize is a solid 8.5.
• Unquenchable thirst following your meal. I've already downed four bottles of water tonight trying to wash down the sodium and reduce the risk of waking up pickled.
• You'll get a balanced meal. Roughly two-cups of rice (grains), 1/2 lb of pork (protein) and about two broccoli florets (vegetable). A complete, healthy meal. Mother approved.
• Cash only. Which is usually an inconvenience, but again, I feel like I need to reiterate that  it's only $3.
• Expect to wait in line for at least 30-minutes. It's a two-man team (husband and wife, I think) rushing to feed a line that is always at least ten deep.
• No seating. Take-out only. Which is a good thing since Wah Fung's has a NYC Health Department rating of a B. I don't even want to know how bad you have to be to earn a C.
•  Likely to cause intestinal distress after consumption. But, think back to that cost-benefit analysis referenced earlier. Again, it tips in Mr. Fung's favor. It wouldn't be worth it at $7.99, but at three singles, it's worth a little discomfort.                                                     

This has to be  the best thing on the menu. Take my word for it, in fact, you'll  have to, because there is now way you're going to be able to read the menu. Besides the $20 mani/pedi specials on every corner, this $3 gem is the next best deal I've discovered in the city.